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Several Democrats are Beating Trump in Head-to-Head Polls


TRUMP ALSO SPENT A GOOD PORTION
OF THE DAY SOLEMNLY REMEMBERING HIS POLL NUMBERS. “IN A HYPOTHETICAL POLL”– I’M
GOING TO STOP RIGHT THERE. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? A HYPOTHETICAL POLL. ALL POLLS ARE HYPOTHETICAL UNTIL
YOU GO TO THE POLLS! THEY’RE ALL HYPOTHETICAL
♪ IT’S WONDERFUL ♪ ANYWAY, “IN A HYPOTHETICAL POLL,
DONE BY ONE OF THE WORST POLLSTERS OF ALL TIME, THE
AMAZON “WASHINGTON POST”/ABC, WHICH PREDICTED I WOULD LOSE TO
CROOKED HILLARY BY 15 POINTS– HOW DID THAT WORK OUT?– SLEEPY
JOE, POCAHONTAS, AND VIRTUALLY ALL OTHERS WOULD BEAT ME IN THE
GENERAL ELECTION– DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT–
THIS IS A PHONY SUPPRESSION POLL.” OKAY. SO THE POLL IS HYPOTHETICAL IT’S
PHONEY AND SUPPRESSION. HOW DOES THAT WORK? “OKAY MR. PERLMAN,
HYPOTHETICALLY, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF I WERE TO ASK YOU WHAT
YOU THINK OF THE PRESIDENT? NOW GIVE ME A FAKE ANSWER WHILE
I SMOTHER YOU WITH A PILLOW! HOLD STILL.” ( LAUGHTER )
DID I SCARE YOU? DID YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO DO
THAT? SO WHAT WAS THE POLL THAT GOT
TRUMP SO HOT AND BOTHERED? IT’S A NEW ONE FROM ABC, “THE
WASHINGTON POST,” AND K.F.C. THAT SAYS “FIVE DEMOCRATIC
CONTENDERS LEAD TRUMP IN HEAD-TO-HEAD MATCH-UPS.” OK, BUT HE WOULD DEFINITELY
DESTROY THEM IN BUTT-TO-BUTT MATCH-UPS. IN THIS POLL, IN THIS POLL,
TRUMP GETS BEATEN BY BIDEN, SANDERS, WARREN, AND HARRIS. AND EVEN PETE BUTTIGIEG HAS A
SIX-POINT EDGE– A SIX-POIN ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YEAH.>>Jon: MAYOR PETE! MAYOR PETE! A SIX-POINT BUTTIG-EDGE. ( LAUGHTER )
THINGS ARE SO BAD FOR TRUMP, A NEW POLL HAS SIX DEMOCRATS
LEADING HIM IN TEXAS. WOW! THAT IS– THAT’S SURPRISING. ( APPLAUSE )
THAT’S REALLY SURPRISING.>>Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS! TEXAS!>>Stephen: I THOUGHT TRUMP
HAS EVERYTHING TEXANS LOVE. HE’S GOT SPURS IN HIS
HEELS AND A TEN-GALLON HEAD! OF COURSE, NO ONE SHOULD BE
SURPRISED THAT TRUMP IS GETTING SMOKED BY SO MANY CANDIDATES. HIS APPROVAL RATING IN THE
ABC/”WASHINGTON POST”/KFC POLL IS 38%. OR, AS TRUMP ANNOUNCED IT, 88%. AND ACCORDING–
( APPLAUSE ) AND ACCORDING TO THE POLL,
TRUMP’S APPROVAL RATING IS ONLY “30% AMONG WOMEN.” IT’S NO SURPRISE WOMEN DON’T
LIKE HIM, ESPECIALLY WOMEN WHO’VE SEEN THIS FOOTAGE. (AS TRUMP)
“MMM! MMM. ( CHEERS )
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHTER ) THERE WERE LINES I WAS SUPPOSED
TO SAY WHILE I DANCED, BUT I CANNOT MAKE THOSE MOVEMENTS AND
MOVE MY MOUTH AT THE SAME TIME. TOMORROW NIGHT IS THE THIRD
DEMOCRATIC DEBATE. THE TOP TEN CANDIDATES WILL ALL
BE THERE: JOE BIDEN, ELIZABETH WARREN, BERNIE SANDERS, MAYOR
PETE, COMPTROLLER JIM, PROBABLY SAMUEL L. JACKSON– HE’S IN
EVERYTHING THESE DAYS– THE PROGRESSIVE INSURANCE LADY? ALTHOUGH BERNIE THINKS SHE’S NOT
PROGRESSIVE ENOUGH. BUT THEY’LL BE LIVE, AND SO WILL
WE– THOUGH THEY’LL BE SLIGHTLY LIVE-ER, BECAUSE WE JUST FOUND
OUT THAT THEY WILL HAVE NO SEVEN-SECOND DELAY, SO THE
D.N.C. WARNED THE CANDIDATES TO REFRAIN FROM SWEARING ON THE
DEBATE STAGE. BIDEN BETTER WATCH HIS
“MALARKEYS” AND HIS “JIMINY CHRISTMASES.” ( LAUGHTER )
ALTHOUGH, THE SWEARING RULE MIGHT BE MEANT FOR ANOTHER
CANDIDATE:>>SO YES, THIS IS (BLEEP)-ED
UP. YOU KNOW THE (BLEEP) THAT HE’S
BEEN SAYING. MEMBERS OF THE PRESS, WHAT THE
(BLEEP)? BUT WE DO KNOW THIS IS
(BLEEP)-ED UP.>>Stephen: AND IF YOU THINK
THAT’S BAD, YOU SHOULD SEE HIS NEW CAMPAIGN SLOGAN:
BETO MOTHER (BLEEP) O’ROURKE: BOLD (BLEEP)-ING LEADERSHIP FOR
A BRIGHTER (BLEEP) FUTURE, (BLEEP). ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE DON’T HAVE TO BLEEP ANY OF THAT DO WE? FINE, OKAY. SO, REMEMBER, BETO, THERE’S NO
DELAY. SO YOU’RE ON YOUR HONOR NOT TO
CREATE A VIRAL MOMENT OF BLUNT HONESTY THAT COULD ELEVATE YOU
ABOVE THE PACK AND RESULT IN A NEW T-SHIRT SLOGAN– ALSO
AVAILABLE EN ESPANOL. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT.

100 Comments

  1. Ready Zeus
    Ready Zeus September 13, 2019

    Where have I heard this before??? Hmmmmmmmmmmm

  2. oh yeah!
    oh yeah! September 13, 2019

    Take a Sharpie with you everywhere! You know what to do!

  3. Tcadiz Wald
    Tcadiz Wald September 13, 2019

    Needed some lunchtime laughs 😂
    You never fail
    Mr. Colbert ☺

  4. Lilac Lizard
    Lilac Lizard September 13, 2019

    Remember, in 2016 38.6% of people voted for NO-ONE!
    That is higher than the number that intend on voting for trump!
    The winning candidate in 2020 will be *no-one*, so trump only needs to take out second place to be elected! Polls are meaningless in that situation! VOTE!

  5. calvin neal
    calvin neal September 13, 2019

    Because polling was so accurate back in 2016 lol.

  6. Alberto Rafael
    Alberto Rafael September 13, 2019

    I knew it

  7. Alberto Rafael
    Alberto Rafael September 13, 2019

    6

  8. Alberto Rafael
    Alberto Rafael September 13, 2019

    Texas

  9. Alberto Rafael
    Alberto Rafael September 13, 2019

    Bruh

  10. Alberto Rafael
    Alberto Rafael September 13, 2019

    I'm Good

  11. Alberto Rafael
    Alberto Rafael September 13, 2019

    Cory Booker

  12. outest universe
    outest universe September 13, 2019

    Hey Steve, u r losing support for not getting Andrew Yang back to ur show. U did not mention Yang who was 2nd best to beat trump in the recent poll.
    Also, when Biden stole Yang's campaign lines on 4th industrial revolution, automation, driverless truck etc you did not point out that was Yang's stuff.

  13. James Gunn
    James Gunn September 13, 2019

    Yeah, no need to wait for those chickens to hatch, count ‘em up now.

  14. junglechick13
    junglechick13 September 13, 2019

    Don't get complacent like 2016 get out and VOTE!

  15. ALicia c
    ALicia c September 13, 2019

    #yangmediablackout

  16. Your Boy
    Your Boy September 13, 2019

    Wow. You still believe in polls?
    Good luck lol.

  17. WASWE
    WASWE September 13, 2019

    Dream on dream on. Red white wash in 2020.

  18. Michael Cash
    Michael Cash September 13, 2019

    You poor brainwashed fools. Regardless who gets elected, nothing will change.

  19. NDFOOTBALL
    NDFOOTBALL September 13, 2019

    Trump 2020 landslide victory

  20. ow lord
    ow lord September 13, 2019

    More bullshit

  21. Kay Omholt-Montague
    Kay Omholt-Montague September 13, 2019

    Texas be going purple or blue? Halleluiah!

  22. Felicia Gardner
    Felicia Gardner September 14, 2019

    Lmao butt to butt match ups.

  23. Sophie R
    Sophie R September 14, 2019

    Jon with anaconda hahahaha

  24. Wtornado
    Wtornado September 14, 2019

    Can't be any worse than the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation always using the same Nanos polling Company always showing the Liberals ahead. And never using the other big polling companies like Angus – Reid, Crop or even Leger & Leger to even try to compare data when the numbers are truly different to the one the CBC solely uses. Just sayin'.

  25. Dark Horse
    Dark Horse September 14, 2019

    Fake news!

  26. Dark Horse
    Dark Horse September 14, 2019

    I don't vote but I know that Dems don't stand a chance in 2020. Not even close. You people are so off the rails that normal thinking Americans are repulsed by your suggestions and behavior. You are losing moderate Dems by the droves. I've seen it every where. People don't believe in your fairy tales anymore. And that Trump Russia Collusion lie only made it worse for you. You are being exposed for the racist, bigoted, tyrannical, segregationists that you are. The next Hitler would come from your party. Good luck with that haters.

  27. Helen Hanson
    Helen Hanson September 14, 2019

    The terminator to Trump: you have been terminated.

  28. mmmk
    mmmk September 14, 2019

    He is going to win… If it wasn't for Yang.

  29. Donald Swamp
    Donald Swamp September 14, 2019

    Stephen mock tRump dancing is the funniest damn things ever. I cry laughing

  30. Nelly S
    Nelly S September 14, 2019

    #yangmediablackout where is Yang??

  31. Joseph Davidson
    Joseph Davidson September 14, 2019

    This is weak coverage.

  32. Helena L
    Helena L September 14, 2019

    3.10 the audience is so well trained. Look at that little signal with his hands and they ALL 🤐

  33. Alfred Poe
    Alfred Poe September 14, 2019

    If this polls are actually true this time then there is nothing to worry about right ?

  34. Fur Ball
    Fur Ball September 14, 2019

    Colbert for President 2024 👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍

  35. Mark
    Mark September 14, 2019

    Andrew Yang had an 8 point lead over Trump. He was only 1 point behind Biden. If it wasn't for Biden, Yang would be the leader among all democratic candidates of beating Trump. Why was Yang omitted?

  36. skreenfeen74
    skreenfeen74 September 14, 2019

    I would buy that sign

  37. Damian Zacar
    Damian Zacar September 14, 2019

    We all know that Colbert isn't mentioning "the others" because they will not make it and why bother. Be funny about what's funny now. Only 4 of them have a real chance and we all know who they are. Stop pretending.

  38. Tyler Haknuman
    Tyler Haknuman September 14, 2019

    see how Colbert Yang out it's sickening really

  39. Stella Star
    Stella Star September 14, 2019

    Did anyone else hear Anaconda at 1:39? XD

  40. Edward Kim
    Edward Kim September 14, 2019

    #yanggang2020 #yangbeatstrump

  41. TheRogueStatesman
    TheRogueStatesman September 14, 2019

    why in the living land of fuck is Colbert's monologue broken up into three segments, and then randomized? ARGH!!! 1st world problems…

  42. Gordon Anderson
    Gordon Anderson September 14, 2019

    Trump is beating all others in the odds of being sent to federal prison for life for murdering some of the surviving victims of his international child sex trafficing, to silence them, I mean us.
    But you all knew that – you just choose to stay alive and never ever talk about what he did to "12 year victim old Maria" – OR more importantly to our nation, use the big money you have made to go on raping children in your own child sex traffcing, a large part of the voting public and their hypothetical poles!

  43. transplant
    transplant September 14, 2019

    So was the YouTube intern drunk when this episode playlist was put together? Second, as far as I can tell, Stephen Colbert makes no mention of 9/11 in show produced in New York on 9/11. WTF?

  44. bigbangnone
    bigbangnone September 14, 2019

    Colbert, the Late Night Cuck reading his teleprompter. While everyone else is talking about Democrats trying to disarm America……Colbert is dancing around talking about Dem polls. What an idiot !!!!

  45. Steven Boldt
    Steven Boldt September 14, 2019

    Trump or the Californiacation of the US? What a choice but there doesn't seem to be another option.

  46. 4 Hounds Who Heal
    4 Hounds Who Heal September 14, 2019

    TrumpTard morons don't comprehend the real world.

  47. R Mad
    R Mad September 14, 2019

    Polls? Like in 2016? Wow they sure got it right huh? Dems are winning so life is a bowl of cherries. Except that smart (I said smart) Dems will vote Trump 2020–they know the Dem stooges will back down from Predatory China and allow massive illegal invasion to continue. Among other stupidities. Thanks Trump voters!

  48. BaneBalt
    BaneBalt September 14, 2019

    I can't stand biden. He rides Obama's wave CONSTANTLY. I'm sick of it.

  49. Drageoks Llechtim
    Drageoks Llechtim September 14, 2019

    Yo Andrew yang should definitely be beating trump in head to head so if you haven’t checked him oh you totally shoulf

  50. Evolved Piano
    Evolved Piano September 14, 2019

    I hope Trump wins again.

  51. Vsevolod YURACHKOVSKYY
    Vsevolod YURACHKOVSKYY September 14, 2019

    Trump still has a support from Russia with love.

  52. E2 M5
    E2 M5 September 14, 2019

    Trump would destroy them all except for 1, Bernie Sanders. Bernie would expose Trump. Trump would bully the rest.

  53. Vincent Gonzales
    Vincent Gonzales September 14, 2019

    POLL:
    Who would you vote for?
    [ ] Stephen Colbert
    [ ] Donald Trump

  54. Harsh Jain
    Harsh Jain September 14, 2019

    Trump should and will win again or else usa will be like present Europe.

  55. Cecilia Marques Dicolla
    Cecilia Marques Dicolla September 14, 2019

    Yang 2020

  56. Trumpet Music
    Trumpet Music September 14, 2019

    And as we all know, polls are really important, that's why Hillary is the president.

  57. freaker126
    freaker126 September 15, 2019

    spurs on his heels and a 10-gallon head! :p

  58. CaptainGinyu
    CaptainGinyu September 15, 2019

    can't wait for colbert to hang himself when trump wins again

  59. dick welch
    dick welch September 15, 2019

    Main stream propaganda so called Comedy MAGA Trump 2020

  60. dick welch
    dick welch September 15, 2019

    Demon Rat propaganda by Colbert. How brain washed can one be to listen to this trash

  61. Igor Schmidlapp
    Igor Schmidlapp September 15, 2019

    Yeah, no cursing! There's just way too f*cking much of that sh!t… ;-P

  62. The Main Butterfly is Burning可
    The Main Butterfly is Burning可 September 15, 2019

    Before Biden, the DNC was struggling to find someone who could lose to trump, on your peasant vote AND the real vote, you serfs 😉

  63. Elliot Morandi
    Elliot Morandi September 15, 2019

    The POTUS, using racial pejoratives. If you think that's fine, you are the problem in America.

  64. Drew Freeman
    Drew Freeman September 15, 2019

    Pocahontas. I’m dead. 😂

  65. no name
    no name September 15, 2019

    I wish colbert would put his money where his mouth is with me. I will bet some bills on trump in 2020. not my choice for POTUS but I know a good bet. maybe he will even give me odds, since he talks so much shit.

  66. Tracey Edwards
    Tracey Edwards September 15, 2019

    Did he really draw that (graph) lol thing that said he’s at 88%, omg He!he!he!he! Oops sorry bout that.

  67. Eric Cole
    Eric Cole September 15, 2019

    Trump needs our help ! Our beloved president is always around a running helicopter ! The helicopter is like a wind turbine but louder . The pilot wears ear protection , Trump does not ! Wind turbine noise causes Cancer ! We as true Americans must insist : TRUMP GET HIS HEAD EXAMINED ! Christian Evangelical Thoughts and Prayers is not good enough for the chosen one ! Trump 2020

  68. lodevijk
    lodevijk September 15, 2019

    No mention of Yang?

  69. Sachin Araszkiewicz
    Sachin Araszkiewicz September 15, 2019

    Ok, that 88% joke gets you a like

  70. R. B.
    R. B. September 15, 2019

    Stephen's imitation of tRump dancing is hilarious.

  71. mohd ifham
    mohd ifham September 15, 2019

    So any Democrat can beat Trump! I guess the best option can be chosen now.#BERNIE-2020!!

  72. Edwin A
    Edwin A September 15, 2019

    if you didn't let's TULSI GABBARD in the democratic debate i'd rather VOTE for TRUMP he more antiwar then those CLOWNS i joining the COMMUNIST PARTY

  73. 2 Droidz
    2 Droidz September 15, 2019

    Wow, #YangMediaBlackout is real

  74. Folk Aart
    Folk Aart September 15, 2019

    I want the dems to believe they are winning so when they lose again they will be devastated again.

  75. BRUH
    BRUH September 15, 2019

    Colbert is a sellout

  76. K Law
    K Law September 15, 2019

    ANDREW YANG ALL THE WAY TO THE WHITE HOUSE 2020!

  77. mike lowder
    mike lowder September 15, 2019

    Yang leads him 8 points in the Emerson poll

  78. Wild Vegan Child
    Wild Vegan Child September 15, 2019

    Beto Motherf**ing O'Rourke Bold Leadership for a brighter ***Damn Future Ass**** . FUNNY AF

  79. Purple Rain
    Purple Rain September 15, 2019

    Get ready to say good buy dump only 38% America is sick of your childish ways.

  80. Abolish Games
    Abolish Games September 15, 2019

    Texas 83% are democrats

  81. The-Trustees
    The-Trustees September 15, 2019

    Polls are worse than meaningless. They ask people on the street who they'd vote for while only 20% will actually GO VOTE. But the hypocritical delusional godtards are ALL guaranteed to be at those voting locations for their very moral (cough) candidate.

  82. hellsbells1xx
    hellsbells1xx September 16, 2019

    The same pollsters Colbert told his idiot viewers that Hillary had a 96.8 % chance of winning the presidential election . Some people are just to stupid to learn anything .

  83. Bruce Gelman
    Bruce Gelman September 16, 2019

    Nothing like knocking off a Binladen to raise your sagging pole!

  84. Dick Jokes And Bondo
    Dick Jokes And Bondo September 16, 2019

    Funny, a Democrat was beating trump in the polls in 2016 🤔

  85. patwams48
    patwams48 September 16, 2019

    38% -> 88% joke stolen from reddit

  86. Roxy The Jamaican Vegan
    Roxy The Jamaican Vegan September 16, 2019

    No one wants Yang. Get over it!! 😑

  87. Sterling Archer
    Sterling Archer September 16, 2019

    Oh God, if the polls have him last, then we’ve got him for another term.

  88. Kelly Stephenson
    Kelly Stephenson September 16, 2019

    Hypothetical poll? Good grief. But he's losing even in the hypothetical poll in his head. Oh, that biting of the lower lip while he "dances" is the the stuff of queasiness

  89. Makkushimu
    Makkushimu September 16, 2019

    People are aware that 38% is still pretty high, right? I mean how many people are ACTUALLY ready to vote for the other democratic nominee if theirs doesn't get nominated? I can absolutely see that that orange clown would get reelected again because "my pick for Democrat wasn't nominated so I might as well vote for the buffoon". Democrats, you're WAY too divided to win the way you are now. As harsh and intolerant as it is, a lot of people just want to see a white man win. If the first pick would have been Biden or Sanders, but Warren, or especially Harris or Yang get picked, do you ACTUALLY think people are evolved and educated enough to not look at the easiest common denominators and make a choice based solely on that? I thought so. Sorry America, but I think you and the rest of the world has a pretty high likelihood of having to deal with a dribbling retard as the president of the most powerful country in the world for four more years…. God forbid his family of morons actually becomes politically powerful enough to become a dynasty. You and the rest of the world will be in utter chaos until the goddamn sun dies out.

  90. John Ross Fawley
    John Ross Fawley September 16, 2019

    Whats the deal with these videos being out of order from how they appeared during the show?

  91. Charles Egerton Cameron
    Charles Egerton Cameron September 16, 2019

    trumps, calls someone Pocahontas, says he isn't racist. no wonder the worlds hates him and his garbage supporters

  92. Pricilla Shivvers-Triplett
    Pricilla Shivvers-Triplett September 16, 2019

    Omg, I laughed so hard at "He would destroy them in a butt to butt match up" (1:30)

  93. Michael McClelland
    Michael McClelland September 16, 2019

    A bag of rancid dog turds would beat Trump in many polls.

  94. Patricia M
    Patricia M September 16, 2019

    Love Stephen doing the Trump dance

  95. the truth
    the truth September 16, 2019

    Trump trying to dance, that's some funny shit right there.

  96. Christine Blais
    Christine Blais September 16, 2019

    who's uploading these out of order? New intern?

  97. Rocket Racer
    Rocket Racer September 16, 2019

    Network talking heads never mention Yang! All are afraid that he can win!
    Yang2020!

  98. Kit Wright
    Kit Wright September 16, 2019

    Chump the fake orange president is evil, he lies, abuses women, talks about sex with his daughter, doesnt pay his debts and is a nazi commie hybrid of love with putin and kim dong. 46% of america like this lifestyle.

  99. True Black Knight
    True Black Knight September 16, 2019

    🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  100. Carolyn Gair
    Carolyn Gair September 16, 2019

    OH! that comedy gem: Colbert doing the trump disco shuffle

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