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Leading With Emotional Intelligence by Andy Smith of Coaching Leaders – MILE Leadership Development


so let’s begin yeah my name is Andy
Smith I’ve been working as a change agent since 1993 initially in the UK and
more recently in the Middle East and Southeast Asia as well
I’ve been studying emotional intelligence for the last 15 years and
I’m particularly interested in two areas one is how the beliefs and assumptions
that leaders bring to their work affects their performance and secondly how teams
can be more productive and effective through harnessing their innate
emotional intelligence so what we’re going to cover in the webinar today is
really five five main points which are whoops there we go first of all what is
emotional intelligence secondly how emotions affect your your team’s
thinking skills and of course your thinking skills as well thirdly
understanding the effect that you have on the emotional climate of your team
and I’ll explain this term emotional climate when we get into the webinar
fourthly four ways that you can employ to become a more emotionally intelligent
leader and finally a simple model for applying emotional intelligence to any
issue problem or decision that you face so we have about half an hour for the
presentation and there’ll also be some time at the end of the webinar if you
have a specific question or situation in mind some of you who are already sent in
some questions which I’ll address at the end of webinar so first of all what is
emotional intelligence let’s contrast
emotional intelligence first of all with the traditional narrower view of
intelligence which focused on what’s known as intelligence quotient or IQ IQ
measures two kinds of intelligence what’s known as logical or mathematical
intelligence which is about pattern detection drawing logical conclusions
and being good with numbers and linguistic intelligence which is being
good with language these are the skills that the education system certainly in
the Western world has traditionally selected for and in fact high IQ score
is a good predictor of academic success and good grades at school and university
but it’s not such a good predictor of success however you want to measure
success in life or in work have you ever worked with somebody who’s
intellectually very bright but they may be insecure or they belittle the people
that work for them or their general mood is irritable someone who might be a high
performer in themselves but who’s a drag on the performance of their team and
their colleagues because other people can’t stand working with them so if you
have ever worked with somebody like that you’ll understand that clearly IQ is not
all that’s needed for working successfully if we define intelligence
very broadly as the ability to learn and solve problems some other competencies
are also needed so what are these other forms of intelligence you may already be
familiar with Howard Gardner’s idea of multiple intelligences Howard Gardner is
a developmental psychologist who challenged the view that intelligence is
a single entity instead he argues that there are multiple intelligences which
develop relatively independently of each other so as well as the linguistic and
the logical mathematical intelligence is that we already dealt with these include
visual and spatial intelligence such as an artist or an architect might have
bodily and kinesthetic intelligence which sports people and dancers have is
about being aware of where your body is in real
to others at any given moment and being able to solve problems with it so the
Manchester United Football Wayne Rooney for example is probably not going to
have a high-flying academic career when he retires from football but there are a
few people better at solving problems in the fast-moving environment of the
football pitch musical intelligence is fairly self-explanatory but the two that
really concerns here are interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence
interpersonal intelligence is about understanding and being able to relate
to and influence other people intrapersonal intelligence is about
being aware of making sense of and managing your own emotions so these last
two intelligences make up what sir has been called EQ which stands for
emotional quotient or emotional intelligence if we have to define
emotional intelligence this is about the most concise definition that I’m aware
of it’s by Daniel Goleman who published the
best-selling book emotional intelligence in 1996 before that emotional
intelligence had been a fairly obscure term in academic psychology worked on by
researchers like John Mayer and Peter salivate and Ruben Baran so why did the
concept of emotional intelligence which was previously just an academic thing
strikes such a chord with the business world well the business relevance of
emotional intelligence comes from this simple question how much of themselves
two people bring to work in many workplaces people check their passion
their creativity and their humor at the door every day when they show up so
they’re they’re operating on maybe 10 or 20 percent of their capacity but the
harlot is at least as important as the head when it comes to motivating people
and connecting with customers the businesses which succeed in the 21st
century will be the ones which harness discretionary effort which is the stuff
that people do at work beyond what they have to do beyond what’s in the
of their employment contract and their job description which harness
discretionary effort by making it possible for people to bring the whole
of their intelligence emotional as well as intellectual to work with them so
emotional intelligence then is the capacity for recognizing our own
feelings and recognizing feelings in other people and also for managing
emotions effectively in others and in ourselves let’s have a look at the
components of this definition so you’ll see that there’s two components which it
identifies one is being awareness being aware of emotions and the other one is
management being able to manage those emotions and each of those can be
applied to emotions in yourself and also to being aware of and managing emotions
in other people so we that gives us this nice quadrant structure which with four
parts or four competencies – emotional intelligence self-awareness in the top
left is being aware of your own emotions and understanding what gives rise to
those emotions self-management is being able to manage your own emotions and
hence the actions that spring from them effectively social awareness is
recognizing and understanding emotions in other people and relationship
management is being able to manage and inspire emotions in others each of these
is highly relevant to leadership but self-awareness is the key the
cornerstone on which the others rest if you’re not aware of your own emotions
you won’t be able to manage them because they’ll constantly be taking you by
surprise and social awareness will be difficult because the way we recognize
emotions in other people involves partially reproducing them within
ourselves as we’ll see and if you don’t have that social awareness and you’re
sometimes hijacked by your own emotions if your self management is poor that
will make relation ship management very difficult so you
won’t be able to handle and inspire emotions in other people now let’s look
at three ways in which emotions affect your cognitive capacities your ability
to think and take decisions first of all this idea that strong emotions make a
stupid strong emotional arousal knocks out the brains prefrontal cortex which
is the pink part on the picture there which is as far as we can tell the part
responsible for what’s called executive function which is decision-making
planning impulse control especially in social situations and deciding what’s
good or bad so with strong emotions that part is knocked out all together it
doesn’t matter how intellectually intelligent and rational we normally are
if our emotions get too strong we stop thinking on the act on instinct and
impulse which can sometimes get us into real trouble or even derail a careers
completely think about what and a few years back when Mike Tyson got annoyed
in boxing match and bit off part of Evander Holyfield’s ear or Cindy Dean
sedan head-butting Marco Materazzi in the 2006 World Cup final or perhaps
closer to home when perfectly Pleasant and intelligent people are out driving
and they get road rage they turn into snarling animals and making endanger
themselves and other drivers so being able to control strong emotion and just
as importantly to recognize the signs of strong emotion building up so you
control it you can control it before it takes you over are absolutely vital secondly emotions affect decision-making
for two reasons emotions carry information about our own values and
desires what’s important to us the more important something is to us the
stronger we feel about it they can also carry information about how other people
are likely to respond because other people’s emotions resonate
within us so we’ve already seen how having too much emotion can knock out
your decision-making capacities too little emotion is as ruinous to
decision-making as too much emotion this is neatly illustrated in a case study by
the neurologist Antonio Damasio in his book Descartes Sara one of his patients
who he calls Elliott was a high-flying corporate lawyer Elliott developed a
brain tumor which was successfully removed as a result of the operation his
intellect was unimpaired and all the usual tests of brain function showed up
as normal but there was one problem he couldn’t function at work anymore he
would take for example all day to read just one letter he’d get completely
engrossed in it and lose himself as a result he soon lost his home his job and
his marriage Damacio discovered that brain surgery
had damaged the part of his brain that integrates emotion with reason
intellectually le it could see the consequences of different options but he
no longer had the feelings which told him that one option would be better than
another when Damacy offered him a choice of two
appointment times he would take hours to consider the pros and cons of each time
until Damacio had to step in and make the decision for him we need emotions to
make our decisions because without emotions nothing matters to us the third way in which emotions affect
our thinking skills is this even if you moderate your emotions to the point
where the thinking part of your brain is still functioning well your emotional
state affects how well your thinking works research by psychologists such as
Alice Isen and Barbara Fredrickson show that the positive emotional states help
you take on new information more quickly so you can make faster decisions and
they also help you see the big picture more easily so you can make better
decisions and can all so think more creatively and strategically positive
emotional states also make you more resilient
so you can recover from setbacks more quickly your emotional state also
affects judgment expectations of success and social interactions so when a new
team comes together it will meld into an effective unit more quickly when the
overall mood the emotional climate of the team how it feels to work there is
positive and optimistic let’s talk a bit about the emotional climate as we’ve
already mentioned a positive emotional climate how it feels to work in that
team if that’s positive if people feel good working there if they feel engaged
working there it helps each individual team member to think more creatively
think more strategically and make faster decisions a positive emotional climate
makes it easier to hold on to Talent generally people don’t leave their
company they leave their immediate boss so a positive emotional climate will
make them more likely to want to stay and reduce turnover the effect of a
positive emotional climate Daniel Goleman from his studies estimates that
it’s responsible for about 20 to 30 percent of performance but the effect
goes beyond the bottom line beyond finances in some cases the emotional
climate can be a matter of life or death there’s one study of cardiac care units
that I’m aware of where the worst performing unit in study where the
nurses mood was described as depressed and I think hostile as well
had four times the patient mortality rate of comparable units so if you had
heart problems that’s not the unit you want to be taken to let’s have a look
now at how you can influence the emotional climate of your team for the
better emotions are contagious we influence the
emotions of people around us and we are influenced by their emotions in turn
it’s been discovered fairly recently that we use the same regions of the
brain for expressing emotion through facial expression for example and for
detecting emotions in others so these two abilities are closely linked for
example when somebody smiles at you the part of your brain that’s responsible
for controlling facial muscles involved in smiling the premotor cortex lights up
so smiles are contagious fortunately laughter and smiling are the
most contagious emotion and they’re more likely to spread further between people
than for example irritation and very fortunately depression is about the
least contagious emotion so if it emotions within the team are contagious
how can you make sure that the emotional climate of your team remains positive oops if you’re leading a team the person
in that team with the most influence over the emotions of that team is you
you have more influence over over how your team feels then you realize leaders
consistently underestimate the influence that they have on the emotions of their
team when things are going along is normal team members know what the
arrange of expected emotional responses are in times of crisis or uncertainty in
situations they’ve never faced before they’re not so sure how they should be
behaving and how they should be responding so they’re going to look to
their leader you for cues as to how to behave in that unfamiliar situation you
more than any other team member set the emotional tone for your team if
you’re leading that team so if you remain strong and positive in the crisis
or in an uncertain situation that will have a positive effect on your team
generally up to a certain limit which will partly become leader termined the
more emotionally expressive you are the more influence you have on the emotions
of people around you so in teams where the nominal leader is not very
emotionally expressive a kind of emotional power vacuum can develop in
that situation another team member who is more emotionally expressive can
become the as it were emotional leader of the team the one who has the most
influence on the team’s emotional climate even if they don’t have high
status on paper the good news from this is that you can still have a strong
positive effect on your team’s emotional climate even if you’re not the nominal
leader of your team now let’s have a look at four ways in which you can
become a more emotionally intelligent leader here’s our four quadrant model of
emotional intelligence again there are things that you can do to develop your
strengths in each of these four competency areas self-awareness social
awareness self-management and relationship management let’s start with
self-awareness since this is the foundation of the other competencies one
thing you can do is keep a journal of how you’re feeling each day I suggest
that you take maybe just a few minutes probably ideally first thing in the
morning before des has had a chance to hit you with any kind of crises or
challenges and just write down how you’re feeling there are a few benefits
to this one is that writing your emotions down helped to get them into
perspective so you have some distance from them and hence some awareness and
some control secondly over a period of months if you look back over the journal
from a few months ago and you can relate it to what was going on in your life at
that time you can see how what you feel how you respond is related to particular
events in your life so you you gain a greater self awareness about how you
respond to particular situations and what you’ve learned from them as well
another way in which you can increase your self-awareness is to have some
coaching receive some coaching either from an external executive coach or if
you have a coaching culture within your organization maybe from a colleague
maybe from your manager that can be very valuable in having somebody to act as a
sounding board in gaining more idea about how you feel about particular
issues and also of course the other benefits of coaching in terms of coming
up with new ideas for problem solving and so on one other way you can increase
your emotional self-awareness is to ask for feedback ideally from people that
you trust so that you know it’s honest feedback
and bear in mind of course the more respect they hold you in possibly they
may even hold you in a certain amount of awe so there may be an element initially
of them telling you what they think you want to hear so emphasize that you want
honest feedback giving some attention to your emotional self-awareness will also
enable you to notice the signs of if you’re getting into a negative or
unproductive emotional state if you if you notice those signs you can head it
off before it gets too strong and hijacks your thinking capacities let’s
have a look now at some ways of managing your emotions and making sure that they
don’t get so strong that they hijack you first item on the list there the pause
is a very useful tool in emotional self-management if you notice the signs
within yourself that you’re getting angry or irritated you can stop what
you’re doing take some calm breaths and change your
posture this will interrupt the pattern of emotional escalation and give your
body and your thoughts a chance to calm down
similarly it’s worth pausing for a moment at the end of one task before you
starting on the next task so that you’re not carrying stresses over from one task
to another following on from that it’s a good idea at work to take a break every
90 minutes or so the reason being that we have a natural cycle of activity and
rest in the wild in nature as it were we would be active for about 90 minutes and
then we’d have a little rest for about 20 minutes or so and that and then we’d
be active again and that cycle goes on through the waking part of the day it
tends to short a little bit towards the end of the evening or the afternoon so
we might be at for about 60 minutes before we feel like
we need a break of course we’re not robots we don’t automatically shut down
at the end of every 90 minutes it’s perfectly possible and I’ve observed
this time and time again in in the UK with clients that I’ve worked with it’s
perfectly possible to work all the way through the morning without taking a
break it’s perfectly possible to grab some lunch at your desk and work through
lunch work all the way through the afternoon take work home work at
weekends and so on people do that because they think they’re getting more
done or they feel guilty if they take a break actually because they’re working
in a way that is not friendly to their to their brain to the way they’re made
they’re actually being less productive what happens in the rest activity cycle
is this at any given time and our brain has two hemispheres of course left and
right hemisphere at any given time there’s more activity going on in one
hemisphere or the other so one hemisphere or the other is dominant most
of the time for most of us in work mode it’s the left side of the brain the left
hemisphere that’s dominant when we take a break when we have a rest activity
moves over to the right side of the brain so that becomes dominant for a
short while until it’s time to go back to work again and the left side is
dominant the left side is responsible for things like thinking analysis words
maths reason logic calculation analysis those kind of functions which for most
of us is work mode most of the time and this with some kind of maybe creative
artist or something like that the left side of the brain is more creative more
dreamy it tends not to think in words it’s not very good with maths it tends
to think in feelings and symbols and images and it works by association
rather than logic if we work solidly for several hours and
we don’t take a break eventually the left side of the brain gets very tired I
don’t know if you found yourself in the situation at the end of the day where
you maybe read a page of a report executive summary of a report and you
read it three or four times and you’ve still got no idea what it’s saying well
you add up a column of figures and a long column of figures and you get a
different answer every time that’s a sign that the side of your brain that
you’ve been using for work mode has got tired and in that situation eventually
it will hand over the work to the other side of the brain which is really not
equipped to process words certainly not equipped to process mathematical
calculations which is why eventually you end up just wanting to stare out of the
window so when you take a break the left side of your brain can relax it can have
a rest and when you come back to work in doesn’t have to be 15 minutes could be
10 could be 5 its refreshed so again you get more done in less time you make
fewer mistakes I used it one time to do a lot of stress
management advice for individuals often they were referred to me by their doctor
and a lot of these very high achieving heart hard-working individuals and they
used to say things like well this is great in theory Andy but I would have to
take all of those 15 minutes two breaks and add them on to the end of my working
day in order to get the work finished so I’d end up spending even longer at work
than previously well actually no we’re not machines we don’t work at a constant
rate sometimes you accomplish a huge amount in the short time other times it
can feel really hard work to get anything done when you take breaks you
can get more done in less time you’re working more effectively and of course
you give permission by by doing yourself you give permission for your team to
take breaks and work more effectively as well
so don’t believe don’t take my word for it try it out in your own work and see
what happens finally as we’ve as we’ve mentioned if you ensure that your
overall mood is positive and to do this it helps to focus on what’s working in
your life and in your work what’s been achieved and what you appreciate in your
situation you’ll be more resilient in the face of setbacks I should mention
that in the face-to-face workshop that I’m going to conduct at the Palm five
event in May we’ll learn some more practical ways of being centered and in
control of your emotions which aren’t really possible to do via webinar you
need to actually be there in the room so that you can stay calm and resourceful
in any situation now let’s look at some ways of enhancing your awareness and
understanding of emotions in others pay attention to the body language and voice
tone of the other person when you’re in a meeting with them when you’re speaking
with them when you’re in conversation body language and voice tone are the
markers which give you clues as to how other people are feeling the next point
is really important be fully present be a hundred percent there and give the
other person or if you’re speaking to a group your audience a hundred percent of
your attention have you ever had a meeting with a superior who’s attention
is obviously elsewhere maybe they’re looking at their emails while you’re
talking maybe they’re taking phone calls during the meeting how do you feel in
those situations rest assure would if you’re not giving a hundred percent of
your attention to the person you’re with they will feel like that too
even if you just come out of a difficult meeting that’s giving you a lot to think
about and even if the next thing in your diary is another meeting that you’re
apprehensive about you need to be a hundred percent present for that person
in front of you you can’t fake paying attention if you’re not 100 percent
present the other person will notice make sure that your own body language is
open and responsive so that you’re conveying a message that you’re ready to
listen to the other person and you want to hear what they’ve got to say one of
the main motivators for most people in the work situation is that they feel
valued and listened to also put yourself in the shoes of the other person or
people that you’re speaking to imagine how they want to be treated and how you
can deliver your message in a way that they will be most receptive to imagine
how your decisions will affect them and they’re likely emotional responses again
it’s not quite as simple as thinking how would I want to be treated in this
situation because people have have different personalities if you know your
audience if you know the other person that you’re speaking to the other people
that are affected by your decisions you can get some ideas of how they’re likely
to respond so take a moment to put yourself in their shoes
imagine that you’re them how are you going to feel hearing this message or
being on the receiving end of this decision finally some ways that you can
enhance your relationship management skills I’d encourage you to look at your
relationship with each employee or in your team or each colleague as being
like an emotional bank account sometimes if you need them to put in some extra
effort to meet a deadline or to deal with a crisis you’re going to want to
make a withdrawal from that bank account which is only going to work if you’ve
put something into the account previously so here are some ways that
you can build up your emotional bank account with your team members recognize
and support them as individuals people want to feel valued and some people need
more feedback and encouragement than others again we go into how you can find
out how much feedback they need in to overcome challenges it’s not enough
to have a vision as a leader you have to infuse people with it find out the
values that motivate your people and show them ways in which the vision
fulfills those values if the vision is linked to their values they will feel
motivated to make it happen that identify with it and last be a
consistent role model if there’s a clash between what you’re saying on what
you’re doing people will believe what you’re doing so walk your talk and
finally let’s have a look at a simple format for bringing your emotional
intelligence to bear on any problem or decision that you face so here’s the
emotional intelligence quadrant again almost any issue problem or challenge is
going to involve other people and their emotions and of course your emotional
state affects your chances of success situations could be making a sale to an
important customer deciding between two opportunities that conflict introducing
significant changes to your team dealing with difficult people resolving conflict
between team members almost any problem that arises at work there are going to
be other people and emotions involved so you’re more likely to succeed whatever
the issue if you pay attention to the emotions involved where you want those
emotions to be and how to get them there so going back to our four quadrant model
we consider the situation from the perspective of each quadrant in term
it’s always best to start with yourself and start with self-awareness so the
questions you’d ask facing any challenge are what am I feeling about this and where did those feelings
come from how do those feelings arise and because feelings emotions carry
information what information are these feelings carrying or you might ask what
is this feeling trying to tell me from there depending on how strongly you feel
about the situation you might want to go to social awareness after that or you
might want to go to self management first so if it’s the situation that you
feel angry or anxious about to the point where it’s getting in the way of your
thinking skills and your cognitive capacities you might want to go straight
to self management from there so ask yourself what do you want to feel what
you need to do in order to feel that way because there are some emotional states
that are more conducive to solving problems than others so if it’s a really
difficult problem determined to resolve it would be a better state than angry or
anxious for example what you need to do in order to feel that way maybe you need
to get some additional information maybe you need to change a work pattern
slightly maybe you need to get advice from other people you won’t know until
you ask yourself that question what’s the best thing to do to manage your
emotional state before you actually try and tackle the problem moving to the
social awareness quadrant consider the other people involved in this issue in
this situation so for example if it’s a job interview put yourself in the shoes
of the people on the interview panel if you’re giving a presentation put
yourself in the shoes of the audience if you’re making a sale put yourself in the
shoes of the customer and ask yourself what is the other person feeling and
where did those feelings come from how did those feelings arise if you have
different stakeholders in the issue you may want to do it separately for each
separate person involved if it’s people you’ve not met before
or and they’re in a group like an interview panel or an audience for a
presentation you can treat them as a collective so what are those people
feeling how did those feelings arise so when you got to that stage ideally you
know what you’re feeling about it you understand the message that any message
that those feelings are trying to give you you have an idea of how you want to
feel in that situation and you have an idea of what you need to do in order to
feel that way you also have some awareness or some guess anyway which
will have to confirm by observing what they actually say and do of how the
other people involved are feeling and perhaps where those feelings came from
so that you can make sense of them so finally in the relationship management
quadrant you ask how do we want how do I want these other people to feel and of
course you can’t make other people feel the way that you want life will be very
easy for you if you could what you can do though is do your very best
to behave and create this the conditions in which it’s possible or easier for
them to feel that way so the next question there is what do you need to do
in order for these other people to feel the way that you want them to feel I’m
not saying that applying these questions to every issue or every problem or every
decision will automatically give you an answer easily what it will do is
increase your awareness give you some ideas as to how other people are likely
to react and probably give you some ideas about what you need to do in order
to make that situation better or to gather the information that you need for
the next step so it’s it’s a model that you can use straight away in any
situation that’s that’s a challenge your problem okay so that is the content
of the webinar I’ve actually got no high spirits all at
the moment how we doing for time here but I’m sure
Ali who is organizing organizing this forum I’ll will have an idea
so yes we were doing good Ally we we have taken about 40 minutes fair enough
okay so are we open for the Cure so we have 20 minutes for any questions may
have yeah okay thank you very much and ER folks if you have any questions feel
free to raise your hand there’s an hand icon on your webinar console so if you
click on it I’ll be able to give you an opportunity to speak to Andy or equally
you could put your questions in the chat box question box so I’ll be happy to
read them over on your behalf I see there are already few hands been raised
so let me go and kindly please be precise pre-fab with your question and
do introduce yourself so let me go ahead first
mr.brother Tariq Salim can you hear us could you please introduce yourself and
ask Christian yeah do you hear me yes we can hear you sir hello yes I do yeah
great my name is Tariq Salima faculty of
economics at the American West in Cairo and it’s been a very interesting webinar
I have a bit I have I put some questions if Ali would like to mention them after
remind my current question the the quadrant seem to have a fixed kind of
self versus social in terms of awareness and unmanage maintainer of distinction
can be blurred a little bit in in some social centric societies like in the
Middle East we’re actually self awareness and self motivation could be
actually a function of social awareness and social motivation in a sense that
there has to be some kind of social consensus in terms of acting in certain
direction how does the type can this relate to what they’re you know what
we’re talking about enough this is a fascinating question thank you and and
yeah I should just say actually that I’m connected to the internet via satellite
link so there’s a little bit of a what they call the latency delay well what
I’m saying goes up to the satellite and comes back down again and and of course
the other way with the signals coming back so do excuse me if there’s a little
bit of it delay here and yes so yes this model originates in the West which as we
know is is a more kind of individualistic society than some others
around the world where apps there’s more emphasis on the individual unless on the
family and the wider community I would say that the distinction between self
and other is still meaningful but you could for example apply the questions in
the quadrant on that last slide that still on the screen you could for
example will make the left-hand side of it
what are we feeling and how do we want other stakeholders to feel beyond that
values and motivations may originate more with social groups with society
with family rather necessarily just coming from within the individual but
they’re still they are still there in the individual and the individual can
the emotional reactions that happen within the individual so I think it is
still very relevant and I’m I’m sorry too that’s about all I can say that it’s
it’s a very deep question I’d have to think a lot about it I think and
probably engage in quite a lot more dialogue with with people as well to to
really come up with a totally satisfactory answer to that one because
it is a big question that does that he’ll it’ll yeah definitely yeah thanks
a lot yeah okay great Ali who’s up next hello yes and hear me yes we can have
you uh sorry oh okay an interesting one from the
Rosalie more supplementary are we born as optimists as mist if yes how do we
change such an intrinsic personal characteristics who are we born as I am Not sure I think
I’m I’m not up with the latest academic psychology for this particular question
I believe there is a there’s a genetic component but there’s also an upbringing
and social component to whether we’re optimists or pessimists and I believe it
is possible to change at least a bit from one to the other of course in
certain situations it’s useful to be pessimistic so if you are in charge of
safety at a nuclear reactor for example it’s a good idea to be quite pessimistic
and think about what could go wrong on rather than thinking oh it’ll probably
be okay and that that’s kind of thinking that probably got them into trouble
browser Chernobyl so yeah it’s if you look at if you look at where you
want to get to in the future if you look at what’s working in your life currently
if you look at the your own strengths and strengths of your team you will tend
to become a little bit more optimistic it will open up some possibilities if
you look at problems all the time if you look at what’s gone wrong if you look at
your failings and shortcomings you’d probably become more pessimistic
so it’s a question of what’s more useful in any given situation I would say when
you’re leading people and particularly when you’re setting a vision for the
future and particularly when dealing with complex problems it’s better to be
optimistic so it’s better to focus on what’s working and build that rather
than just looking at what’s going wrong and how bad everything is I would say
okay well thank you let’s move to the next person
um let me unmute mr. Emraan use of you Harris could you please induce yourself
and ask the question yeah hi my name is Imran Youssef I’m an executive search
consultant people sometimes actually call us executive recruiters based out
of Saudi Arabia first of all thank you Andy for such a informative session it
has been it has been excellent in terms of information I got two quick questions
two really quick questions and both are in regards to assessments so the first
question is which online assessment would you recommend for for a person to
take that’s one and secondly second I know it’s a very complicated question
but how can I while I am into the a c-level executives how can I assess if
emotional intelligence face-to-face that’s it look into it I um right so there are M so the first one
then about which online assessments can I take you you’re looking for yourself
or for your candidates or what initially for my film and then of course for for a
candidate right okay it’s it’s very much a horses for courses question bearing in
mind that serious emotional intelligence assessments with scientific validity
behind them that have been normed and validate validated and so on there is a
cost associated with with those and it’s usually at least around $100 mark
probably more now having said that the the most useful one for recruitment is
probably the Baran eqi assessment that’s that’s been shown to have some positive
correlation to job performance in certain roles with an executive already
in post the ECI 360 which is the one I’m qualified in and which works with this
four quadrant model is a good one of course that’s a 360 degrees so they will
be getting feedback from their employees from their colleagues from their boss
and so on and Ali I died i I’ve got a little unvalidated emotional
intelligence assessment I there was some talk of mild putting that up online I
don’t know if that’s aI don’t know if that’s available in the male community
yet I think maybe it has been compiled but we have not calculated it as yet
between do it and then kind of perhaps a link on everyone okay and yeah in the
meantime you could you could do a paper copy from
coaching leaders dot uk’ which is which is my website but I want to emphasize
that’s really not a that’s really not a validated assessment in any way it’s
more of a thought provoker so I would say for recruitment the EQI probably the
best one for executives already in post where you have people they’ve been
working there for at least six months so people have some experience of working
with them probably the the ECI 360 assessment but neither of those are
cheap so doing them on a large scale wouldn’t be very economical and right
second question how can you assess somebody’s emotional intelligence in an
interview as we’re talking to them well first thing is you get a feel for it one
that there are various questions that you can ask various various things you
can arrange depending on what policies you’re looking for so for example if you
if you’re looking for how much attention they pay to other people and how much
they care about other people how about this you can accidentally on purpose
drop your pen near their feet and if he picks it up for you
that would suggest that at least he’s paying some kind of attention to other
people if he ignores it that’s also telling you something about that person
which you know depending on the role may not be may not rule them out but if
you’re looking for something in the kind of customer service or interacting with
the press kind of area you’d want them to be at least paying attention to what
other people do there are questions you can ask which will tell you how
comfortable they are working on their own or how much feedback they need you
could ask them how do you know when you’re doing a good job and the answers
will be somewhere along the spectrum from I get feedback from my customers or
from my manager or for my colleagues all the way along to
I just know so for roles where the person has to think independently and
take decisions independently you’re probably going to want more of a kind of
internal frame of reference where they they have a pretty good idea themselves
whether they’re doing a good job or not for lower levels and on the frontline of
customer service it’s quite useful for people to be more reliant on feedback
because then if a customer has a problem they have a problem a good set of
questions that you can look at for recruitment is an interviews is the book
words that change minds by Shelly Rose Charvet words that change minds that you
you can you can look that up and it’s a good book is very readable and it gives
you 11 or 12 questions that you can ask that show different aspects of the
person’s personality many of which are related to emotional intelligence you
could ask them to tell you about a time at work that gave you trouble for
example and ending on how they talked about it you’ll get a feel for how they
are dealing with other people I feel like I’ve talked about this one a lot so
so maybe we should have another question yes that does that help okay great yeah
well thank you very much Imran um let’s move to another one there’s another and
been raised a Maura Maus I could you hear us please Maura I think unable to
hear so let me move to the chat box there should I’m okay yeah sorry um
there’s question from this name works in Pakistan Civil Aviation Authority here
is a scenario you’ve faced a situation where you are unable to clearly know the
emotional state by a parent body language or body language is misleading
how can you get to relate to emotions of the person if you don’t know what they
are any solution to get out of this maze okay so I’m taking it that either you’re
not actually physically with the person so you can’t see them and you’re not in
touch with them over the phone so you can’t hear the tone of their voice or it
could be one of those people that really doesn’t give very much away they’re
keeping up what we might call a poker face where they’re giving very little
evidence of their internal emotional state I used to work with a guy like
this who he and a small company that my small company was dealing with and
everyone was scared of having meetings with him because he really didn’t give
anything away his face was completely expressionless and you didn’t get all of
the nods and grunts and smiles that you normally get in an ordinary conversation
so what I did I matched his way of being so I became fairly expressionless myself
and I you know answered questions when he asked them and conversed with him but
I left out all the emotional stuff and I think it was a tactic on his part
because it made people uncomfortable and that can be useful in certain situations
as I started to match him and I didn’t laugh at his jokes and so on he came to
respect me more he would take meetings with me rather than with my boss and so
on so my first step there if it’s person is not giving much away emotionally is
to match their kind of energy levels their expressiveness and so on so if
they’re not giving much way don’t you give much away either now if is it
possible to find from the chat box if that’s the situation we’re talking about
or is this more about when you’re only communicating with somebody by email or
something like that ah well the scheme if you could do a
supplementary on this and if you allow me we can move to the next question as
well because there are a couple of questions chat box so what do you advise
and II mean all this team can write a supplementary based on your so yes yeah
yeah but while we’re waiting for the supplementary let’s get yeah let’s get
the next question underway okay there was a hand raised again let me see
a Kincaid Roisin could you hear us yes I can hear you can you give me yes we can
could you please introduce yourself and uh it’s the question sure my name is a
con K and I’m a communication specialist I do several things but they’re all in
line with communication and leadership I wanted to ask a question related to the
question what are you feeling sometimes that’s not an easy question to answer
for many people and what can you offer in terms of how to classify ones
feelings because if you’re not if you’re classifying your feelings then
everything else will sort of be off it will be skewed a little bit so talk
about the importance of really being able to recognize what your feelings are
I mean like on the extremes you can recognize anger or extreme happiness but
there are branches of emotions that I think a lot of people are not
necessarily aware of and you talk about that yes yep yeah that’s a that’s a
great question um first of all you need to create the space and the quietness
where you’re not distracted in order to be able to have that level of interest
introspection to be able to ask that question what am I feeling because very
often and this is particularly true in the West I think people distract
themselves with with TV or with activity or with alcohol or whatever so so that
they actually don’t have to pay attention to their feelings so you need
a quiet place where you’re not going to be
interrupted how you classify the emotion is that what label you put on it is
maybe not so important as the question the answer to the question what is this
trying to tell me so even if you’re aware of the feeling purely as a
physical sensation of you know my my stomach feels cold or I have a tightness
across my shoulders or something like that
even without putting an emotional label on it if you ask the question of
yourself if this was trying to tell me something what is it trying to tell me
and leave some space for the answer to come you may not get it straight away it
may come in the form of a different feeling it may come in the form of a
word or phrase it may come in the form of an image coming into your mind so asking what information they carry I
think is the is the key question here does that help its thinking well thank
you very much kinky a short question in the chat box by a
brother are do how how do you deal with how do you deal with managers who
depends on sarcasm sarcastic okay so this is a I’m guessing how do you deal
with what working for a manager who uses sarcasm or one of your managers cousin
sarcasm but reports to you yeah think I’d image somebody yeah I think it’s a
person who’s dealing whose manager is using sarcasm a lot okay okay this is
really a question about managing your own emotions first I think because you
can’t you can’t make somebody change particularly if that person is in a
position power relative to you so your first
responsibility is to be aware of your own feelings about it and to manage your
own state about it you know if you find yourself getting upset if a manager uses
sarcasm or angry or irritated or anxious or whatever
ask yourself what you’re feeling where did these feelings come from maybe if
you’re feeling an emotion which is out of proportion to the the real importance
of the current situation maybe it’s because it reminds you of something that
happened in maybe when you were a child or something like that and if you if you
notice a link like that very often being aware of it takes the power away from
that feeling ask yourself how you want to feel how you want to be when that
happens when that manager is sarcastic and what do you need to do in order to
feel that way and do whatever it takes in order to behave in that way and by
what you want to feel I don’t mean you know I’d like to I’d like to hit the
manager what do you want to feel and what you want to do that will bring
about the best outcome for you in that situation start thinking about that and
start thinking about doing it so you’re starting to perceive yourself as acting
on the manager and having some effect on the situation rather than you being the
person that’s being acted all the time another thing you could do is you could
use some subtle behavioral reinforcement so there will be times when the manager
is more sarcastic and times when the manager is less sarcastic and if you’re
more if you work out what the manager actually wants and do more of that when
they’re behaving in a more decent way so they get better results by treating you
decently eventually without even realizing it you’ll be training them
like you train the dog in order to to be more polite to be more reasonable and to
actually say what they want rather than speaking sarcastically so I hope that’s
been slow well that’s it okay the next question
from brother imam bukhari yeah it’s written nowadays it is not only
emotional intelligence that the leader must have to countries like Indonesia
and Malaysia those Muslim populated countries a leader must have also a
spiritual intelligence how do you see these strengths yes I would agree with
that I think in order to have spiritual intelligence you have to have emotional
intelligence as well it would be very difficult to conceive of somebody having
spiritual intelligence for me from my point of view anyway I would find it
hard to imagine somebody having spiritual intelligence if they if they
don’t have emotional intelligence as well and things like emotions hijacking
a person can really get in the way of their spiritual intelligence so they are
I yes they are separate areas but emotional intelligence or lack of it
could really sabotage spiritual intelligence I think so it’s something
they they need to focus on in order to support spiritual intelligence okay the supplementary question which the
sneem had which you had requested earlier she in fact I think she said but
I would like to know if it is in personal experience email text and
messages I think it’s a continuation okay yeah
email text messages so in other words you’ve just got the words you don’t have
any kind of body language or voice tone to give you context in which to
interpret the meaning of the words so as
I lost this voice not exciting so the way that you say
something obviously had a arms effect oh sorry uh sorry I think we’d lost you for
a couple of seconds no okay that’s a shame I was doing a little performance
there Adam of saying something in a sarcastic tone which meant exactly the
opposite Oh might have to review today I don’t
need you everyone’s aware of how that works especially the person with the
sarcastic manager so yeah in email in text in messaging those markers those
context markers are completely absent so sometimes you don’t know what the person
means because the the words on the screen could be taken several different
ways now here’s the thing we have a almost like a default position to assume
the worst of an email message or a text message or a messaging service or a
Facebook message where there’s no context for it
I myself yesterday got quite annoyed about a tweet from another emotion
intelligence consultant which was addressed to me where they were talking
about I post something about lack of emotional intelligence in somebody’s
business and how it was damaging their business and and this person said back
summer I’m like yeah so emotional intelligence lack of emotional
intelligence can really damage your business so I guess that was true in
your case and I thought what I say I’ve got no emotional intelligence it’s
damaged my business I got really annoyed I tweeted back excuse me and later on it
transpired that actually what you alway were doing was agreeing with my original
were my original posting and it was perfectly innocent in there and but I
automatically assumed the worst which is what tends to happen with just bear text
communications so anything that has an emotional content an emotional impact or
is important I would say flee if you can if there’s any way at all
that you can see the person face-to-face or teleconference them or even speak to
them on the phone so at least you’ve got the voice tone tone to work with please
please do that rather than email otherwise if it’s the another person
sending emails to you and they’re kind of hiding behind the emails they’re
saying they haven’t got time to speak to you or whatever you have to craft a very
careful reply that will work however they meant those words the key
thing is not to assume the worst v-mail straight away Robert Cooper who along
with I’m unser wife wrote the book executive EQ suggests that jokingly
suggests that you Electrify the same button so you don’t just fire off a
reply you think very carefully before you respond to an email that seemingly
has some upsetting emotional content or some annoying emotional content because
very often is possible to take it the wrong way so proceed with caution is
about all I can say there with that one well that is the we’re nearing D at the
time but and it would you like to take some of the questions which was sent to
you in advance and try to answer those as look yeah yeah sure that they were
there actually only a couple that that I’ve got up well there is one can we
have the can we have the print of the webinar afterwards or the yeah I mean
that is a regular question yeah we will be sharing the soft copy and the
recorded versions links with old death yeah yep so that’s so you will get that
yeah and right from Imran and jarred he has sent him question and
is is or I guess can leader use emotions to achieve business goals how to develop
a team and help them to become a creative unit how to increase the
productivity of people in organizations I think I’m hoping that the the
information that we had in the webinar answers that yes leaders can use
emotions to achieve business goals particularly if you’re aware of what
motivates your people and what motivates your colleagues you can appeal to those
values you can use your own emotional expressiveness to influence the emotions
of people in your team and a positive emotional climate will help your team in
to become a creative unit and help them to work together effectively better
particularly if is new team coming together and just to send you off in a
whole new direction I would encourage you to have a look at appreciative
inquiry as a method of bringing a team together and as a format for helping a
team to solve any particular problems or improve their performance so I think
we’ve kind of answered that one in the webinar another question yeah this is
from this is from Joe Simpson yeah so how to how to coach a ste EO who needs
to grow their emotional intelligence but refuses to do so this is quite a tricky
one we can have situations in a company for example where people bring in a
coaching culture but the CEO wants coaching for everyone except himself you
can’t coach somebody who doesn’t want to be coached the first thing they need to
do is to recognize that there is a problem that needs improvement so you could maybe for example get them
to take some sort of 360 survey so that they recognize they’re presented with
evidence that there’s a need for them to improve their emotional intelligence you
could convince them perhaps that emotional intelligence is a useful thing
to develop and leads to performance improvements and find out what their
values are find out what their values are and appeal to those values what
motivates them and link the need for coaching or the need for emotional
intelligence to those values and maybe they’ll come around to it the I’m
guessing that the decision would need to feel as if it comes from them I would
have a look at an essay online by Shelley Rose Charvet which is called
presenting ideas to skeptical people and there’s another one called I think the
macho test as well where she suggests that if you have somebody who already
thinks they know everything and they don’t have any problems but any everyone
else does you have to phrase what you’re saying to
them very carefully so that you’re not implying that they have a problem or
that you’re telling them something that they don’t know so anytime you’re
telling them something you don’t that they don’t know say to them something
like as you know or as you already know and then tell them whatever it is that
that they don’t know in fact Satan things like well only you can decide if
this is the right way to go work out if they’re motivated more by choices and
options and things they can move towards or more by avoiding problems and things
they want to get away from and pitch your argument accordingly so if there
are more away from motivated talk about the downsides of the consequences of not
improving emotional intelligence for example if they’re more motivated
towards you can talk to about the possibilities and the extra
things it will enable them to do the better results it will enable them to
get when they start exercising and improved emotional intelligence each
case is different another thing you can do is find out who
they listen to who influences them and convince those people so you’re working
on them indirectly rather than trying to convince the CEO yourself so those are
just some ideas and good luck with that I should say so I knew these are all the
questions that was in advance I believe yeah
just one last question as we’re running out of time could you please share the
name of the author for the book which measured words that changed minds yeah
if I if I type this in the answer box will it come up I you can type it to me
I think that I can broadcast to everyone okay so if I try I actually I think the
the question box is the one that’s open so I say that I’m typing away nothing’s
happening so well maybe we can email it later I mean I can put up the knowledge
Mashhad I will I will email it to use to you Ali straight after the the webinar
closes and okay but maybe you can announcer you heard the name of the
author and we can then type a letter in the email yeah so who’s the author and
okay yeah the author is Shelly Rose Chauvet which I shall spell it’s sh e ll
e Rose ro SE and then Charvet is ch AR ve T and the book is called words that
change minds it’s it’s a great book it’s highly recommended the other books I
mentioned are of course emotional intelligence by Daniel Goleman
which I’m sure everyone’s aware of already and another good book which is
called executive II Q capital e capital Q by Robert Cooper and I’m an so wife I
hope I’m present pronouncing that correctly it’s a why ma n Sawa F oh man
yeah oh well I think a and E we discussed a would be nice if you could
email it to me and then I’ll stream it to everyone
meanwhile we can take just one last question from the tariqa was asked
that’s musical include wise change how can musical voice change affect
emotional climate I think in one of the slides you mentioned about the river yes musical musical intelligence which I
mentioned in passing really as being one of the multiple intelligences that
Howard Gardner mentioned however voice tone does have a bearing on emotional
intelligence because it’s it’s a clue to how somebody’s feeling you know if
somebody gets upset fries are all their breathing tends to get interrupted and
you can hear that in their voice you can get some idea of what’s
important to people by the emphasis that they place on particular words or
phrases so if somebody says you know the decision by the by the senior management
it’s just not fun then you can pretty much tell that fairness is an important
value to them you can yeah you can you can convey emotion in your own voice
again this is slightly culturally determined because some cultures have
have ranges of kind of acceptable voice tones or voice tones that you’d use in
polite conversation which may be different to other cultures
but yeah if you’re sounding interested and engaged in your voice
generally perhaps your voice will be slightly quicker in communication with
particular individual people if it’s just one to one generally you want to be
talking to them at about the same kind of speed and volume and voice tone that
they’re talking to you in so you know if there are kind of quite slow talking and
quiet person you probably don’t want to be talking to them really fast and
really loud and really energetically like that because they will they will
have trouble relating to that so so matching voice tones is quite a good
idea as well okay goes some way to answering that question well yeah I
guess firm well only thank you very much that really brings us towards the end of
the webinar I would like to thank you especially a half mile for your time and
your willingness to share this valuable information and your experiences with
our participants folks just to let you know that Andy will be coming to maul
Medina in the month of April for our Leadership Program for Advanced
Management which is called palm it’s the fifth version
pond5 to be held in April you can get more detail from our website wwm rrg for
all the upcoming webinars and programs and once again Andy thank you very much
and thank you to all of you who participated we’re glad join us today
and I hope this session was so helpful to to all of you thank you very much
Andy thank you everyone I yeah thank you very much for inviting me I’m honored
thank you very much we are so I’m going to be closing this webinar and

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  30. Baibonn Dilangalen Sangid
    Baibonn Dilangalen Sangid October 18, 2018

    modesty aside, I could teach Islamic entrepreneurship far better than this guys, helloooo Arabs did you ran out of better educators that you now rely on Western technology? Go to Japan, China or Korea and you will see their ancient technology is what fired the country and people.

    I browse MILE and didn't make me smile, i am appalled at empty Islamic education. Innovation is fine so long as you will not lost the soul of your people and country itself.
    as we see, Arab culture is now seen as culture of terrorism- – – continued westernization of your education neglect yourself. so end up pathetic

  31. rasheda monjil
    rasheda monjil January 16, 2019

    Does Rotogenflux Methods really work? I notice many people keep on talking about Rotogenflux Methods. But Im not sure if it's good enough to improve your IQ in a short period of time.

  32. Juliane Andrade
    Juliane Andrade February 25, 2019

    Wow So good & valuable content! Thank you for sharing it!

  33. Uma Shrestha
    Uma Shrestha March 14, 2019

    How effective is Rotogenflux Methods? We have heard many awesome things about this intelligence boost program.

  34. Nothi chakma
    Nothi chakma June 18, 2019

    What do you think of increase your IQ score over 17 points with Rotogenflux Methods? I notice lots of people keep on speaking about Rotogenflux Methods.

  35. Janet W. Moody
    Janet W. Moody June 18, 2019

    Is Rotogenflux Methods useful to increase your IQ of 20 points? We've read numerous good things about this intelligence boost program.

  36. stephen h
    stephen h June 24, 2019

    Very helpful!

  37. Sarah James
    Sarah James July 3, 2019

    Hi there, I want to know if Rotogenflux Methods, will work for me? I notice many people keep on speaking about this iq course.

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